Having a good friend pass away really opens up your eyes a bit about life. I've had a lot of people pass away before, most were older or had something wrong with them that was life threatening that ended up claiming them. You are able to be more prepared and expecting for the time when it comes yet when you have a friend who hasn't even hit the half way mark on there life expectancy is hard concept to grasp.
As many of my friends know the last year and a half has been one that I've had a hard time understanding and dealing with. Between being hurt and mentally fucked with I haven't been the same and I never will be. I understand and accept that now but I still want to better myself. It might be because I still don't understand myself as well as I would like. My emotions run wild, on second I'm alright with a person the next I don't know how to act around them. A few people I get really attached to while others I want them to stay away from me and I couldn't tell you why.
When Ryan passed away I learned more about that. For a little while after it happened I thought trying to jump into a relationship would be more beneficial but thinking about it more I realize that is the wrong way to go. Don't get my wrong I don't want to stay single for ever but I don't want to want to rush into a relationship just for the sake of being in one. I would rather take it slow, really get to a know a person, be friends with them before hand, and feel honest emotions before hand. I've been single for over a year and I don't want to just jump into something for the sake of it. Ya know?
So now basically I am just rambling on about god knows what but I will say this: Ryan, I miss you so much and I know every one else that you knew misses you very much. One day we will meet again. I don't know how, I don't know when, I don't know if it will be in the afterlife or through reincarnation but I do know I will see you again even if I don't realize it is you. I miss you buddy, may you rest in peace.
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