The past coming into play...

So I found out he now lives up in the PHX area. One of my biggest fears that I'm not really ready to face. I was okay with him living a few hours away but now he is in the facinity of me actually running into him, it scares the crap out of me. Not that I think he would do anything but the fact that I would have to see him is what gets to me. Mostly it has brought up old fears that I thought I was getting over. It has been a year and a half, I should be over it but nope I am still left with trust issues and utter fear he left me with. I over analyse every word spoken by any male. I can't concentrate or think straight. I hate this. So many people wonder why I don't get out a lot, why I am so attached to my cat Echo, why I only talk to a few people...it's all because of my mind being fucked over by him. I don't get out and i'm close to only a few people in fear of getting hurt. I'm so close to Echo because I got her right after everything happened and she was the only thing around me to give me comfort. I'm damaged good, I know that, but doesn't change the fact that I want it to change. I just need some one to prove to me that not every one is like him. I know if some one proved me wrong I would be okay, I want to be proven wrong. I'm not saying I want to fall in love and live happy ever after but I want some one who I actually feel towards to show the same feelings in return. I don't want some huge romance but I don't want a casual fuck as well. I can't be used that way again. I need to know I am better then that.