When I walked into the office I noticed a guy in one of the side offices talking on the phone. While I was in the room I noticed how he watched me like a hawk. Every time I glanced over I noticed how his eye followed me. He stood behind the office chair leaning on it witch a slight arch in his back. He had on a bright red polo shirt and his medium brown hair was slightly messy. His face is slightly blurred though. I don't think my mind will allow me to actually see it. I think it is trying to allow me to keep some sanity left.
When I was their I could feel my chest tighten with fear. I had to use all my strength not to run out of the room as fast as I could. I don't think I have ever wanted to cry out of terror before. I don't know if it was actually him or if it was a man who looked similar. I hope to god it was just a man who looked similar. I can handle that. I don't know what I would do if he worked in my building or lived here. I know he moved up to the Phoenix area. I knew more in the Glendale area which is an hour away from me but for all I know he could have moved over to this side of town by now.
I hate how I will feel fine until some one tries to actually get to know me or I see some one who looks like him. I hate the fact that when I may have seen him all I wanted to do was run away with my tail tucked between my legs. I hate being weak.
He is the reason I think of guys the way I do now. Like they are just a piece of meat, like they are only good for sex wether it be for pleasure of procreation. I think of men like men think of women. I want some one to prove me wrong yet I wont let any one close enough to let them prove me wrong. Maybe some day.
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